As you lay there next to the sea, Girl

You remind me of memories and how freedom used to taste.

You invade my dreams , You're beauty is etched in my work with ink,

But i've forgotten how your face used to look,

All i remember is the softness of your hair,

The contrast of the brown sand with your pearly feet,

The white and blue dress that gently swayed in the direction of the breeze.

I sit by my window sometimes,

Canvas on a stand, a palette in my hand,

I try to paint you,

I try to remember your face,

But only adjectives come to my mind,

Never a picture.

I haven't been able to forget you Girl,

You plague me like thoughts plague the mind,

And the empty canvas still waits to be filled with colour.

(This is a poem for a friend to whom it was promised. My blog is more of a journal for me, but here is a poem i present to you. I hope you like it.)

*Change*

In life there come times when you feel lost. Whether it's your sense of identity that gets lost, your essence , your thoughts and opinions change, you don't know. You just feel lost.

This feeling hits you one fine day and you figure out that reaching your lost self was a process of change. A process you didn't realize was taking place. For good or for worse. You change over time.

When you realize you have. When someone tells you , hey , i think you've become a little different than you used to be, and you wonder , is it good or bad?

To yourself, you're still You. You feel you haven't changed. You feel the other person's wrong about you. You still think you are the same person you were a few months back. but the truth is , you're not. It takes time, location, people, to change who you are. And sometimes you can't stop it from happening. It's the development of the unconscious. An unknown agent creeping up from behind you and one day awakening you to the person you have become.

It's important to have a sense of self, of who you are. To know what you want from life and what goals you have set for yourself. Many things will come along that'll blur this image for you. Love, Work, Friends. All of them . But those who have become great have always struck a balance. And the thing is , to strike that balance requires the highest sense of discipline and presence of mind. That is why we can count only a handful of those who are great in this world, for they have achieved the impossible. The perfect Balance.

Since i've started College and left school , a friend told me today , i've changed a lot. When you know that change is for the good , you don't take it badly. It doesn't hurt you. But when you know it's a wrong thing, it does. And it hurt me somewhere. I began reflecting and looking at what i'd become.

I had the same thoughts. I haven't changed. I'm still the same. I'm still me. But i guess i have and don't realize it. For one i knew, the line between me and my aspirations had blurred to a big extent. I'd lost focus, determination. Everything i'd hoped i'd have. I'm older now , but wiser is an adjective i don't want to use for myself yet.

I haven't utilized all of my opportunities, haven't stretched myself, just taken it easy, as it comes. Am i lazy? i don't know. Have i tried to become someone i'm not? I don't know that as well.

But well i guess this moment comes for everyone and then they realize they have to do something about it. And i probably am going to now.

I'm going to be who i Am.

*You're A Bimbo*

Ironically and for all , the definition of the word Bimbo, seems to resonate from how good you look and what clothes you're wearing. Sorry to inform you people , but i guess you only read HALF of the definition ; a Bimbo , by the dictionary ,is someone who's attractive but stupid. Hmmm. Just because you are wearing the season's latest from Mango and you have a pink handbag to go with everything , DOES NOT qualify you as stupid.

Now i would only wonder why people would do such a thing. Either you're actually dumb, which is definately not the case all the time , or you're so attractive it would be a shame that you're not dating a million guys and flunking your exams, or well they're just plain jealous.

This did require a bit of brainstorming from my side, cuz not to sound entirely egoistic, i don't think of myself as stupid and i admit i do spend some time picking the next day's outfit or do out a little effort every morning as to how i look . But, i AM doing math honours in LSR which i might add is not some baseless course and to top that i'm doing an extracurricular and still not exactly flunking. So some of my peers calling me Bimbotic did not really make sense to me.

But it's not about me. It's about the image projected by a girl who , well, just wants to turn out well for college everyday or keep up to date with her fashion magazines. Why is it, that these women are not taken as seriously as those in plaid colours? I mean even to go for my AIESEC interview i thought twice before wearing this silver hairband i was wearing thinking that they won't take me as seriously as the next girl in line with specs and a respectable black jacket.

It shouldn't be like this. Looking good for yourself is pounced upon by people when they have a chance. Fine , once or twice we might've made a stupid comment or said something silly , but everyone does that but just because we look like this , they think it's fine to call us Bimbotic. We're not stupid . We're not dumb. Just have a different point of view about dressing.

A pretty , well dressed girl does NOT need to be stereotyped all the time.

I don't disagree that this world is full of snobbish good looking bitches , who're so obsessed with their bitching and boys to actually made room for some sense in their heads . But hey everyone deserves a fair trail now don't they?

Some can be different.

:)

*Taking Chances*

Talk about the broadest and most complicated topic known to man. Well, this is would be it-Love.

This four letter word constantly worries the people who aren't experiencing it and when some of them finally are in it, they realize it's everything they could ask for . But good things come in packages too.

I'm in it right now. I've found a boy i really love and he loves me too.The same or even more (We have occasional fights about that ). But i clearly remember. One day he was with me on the phone and we'd just started going out, and he said "Priya, I know 'love' is a big word and people throw it around like it means nothing. So i sat down and thought about whether i really loved you. Whether i knew what it meant and when i said it, i wasn't misleading you. And i came to the conclusion, that do Love you. A lot."

What he said that day meant a lot to me. I trusted him whenever he said it after, cuz i knew he wasn't one of those guys who was just playing around . He really meant it. It was in the way he said those words. Distinctly different than anyone else who'd said anything to that effect to me.

Being told by someone that they love you is a wonderful feeling. And when you know they mean it , it;s even better.

After that day i felt secure. I felt the gravity of the word and the layer of security it'd automatically created around me and our relationship.

Before this i'd just been scared. Every relationship that i've been in has been a learning experience in some way or the other. If after one guy i learnt that guys who seem very nice can also be VERY boring, from another i learnt that even though you might not like each other that much and he might just occasionally make you laugh, he can be a very good kisser ; or if from another i learnt that you should judge people before you start going out with them, and one more taught me that going for a movie on a first date is a VERY bad idea ; One thing that stood very still was the number one in my ten commandments-'NEVER fall in love'.

I always believed after my many experiences, that falling in love was for the naive and the weak of heart and that it would always lead to a bit of crying in the bathroom, or countless reruns of 27 dresses and the urge to call the girl in the movie a bitch when she ALWAYS gets the cute looking guy and the happy ending or gorging on chocolates at night and thinking that things are already so bad, what could chocolate do?.

Hence love was never on the cards for me. A not so serious relationship i thought was the key to happiness in life because Life is too real for fairytale endings. But just as you give up, on love and your prince charming , things happen when you least expect them.

And as they say, 'you don't go looking for love, it finds you in time'. Ok i don't know if i'm just quoting myself in that line, but i guess it does happen. A thing i never thought would end up being my best relationship now is.

But still, love is a strong word and a stronger feeling. Love is not 'like'. People should be clear about that. It's deeper. Cuz if you like someone, you don't feel as bad when they're on the phone with another girl, you don't miss them at odd times, you don't wake up in the morning thinking about them, you don't go to the men's section in stores to see what would look nice on him if he wore it, you don't spend hours making that perfect card that'll make him feel loved, you don't call him when you're crying like a baby, you don't feel like hugging him at random times of the day, or save him a cookie when you're out somewhere. It's different. You become a major , uncompromisable part of each other's lives. You're him and he's you. It's weird but it's magical.

If you love someone, the silences on the phone have a meaning and promises actually count.

Bit it's not all fairytale. When something so wonderful is in your life , Murphy's law doesn't fail to apply. You have fights that will break your heart. Sometimes you just want to end it cuz you can't take the emotional baggage and you cry after he puts down the phone over something he's said but appear as if nothing is wrong when he calls you back.

It's also about compromise. Communication. Understanding. Love can play the angel and the devil when it chooses.

But all in all. I'm glad i'm in it . For those of you who are, you'll know what i'm talking about.

Security in each other's love makes you see a future together. Sometimes you talk about marriage, kids , living together and what you would do together every morning. It's all been planned out in your head. You and him. It's not going to end.

Some of my friends who have probably had more experience in this domain still think i'm a virgin at the topic. "Wait for a year and more " they tell me, "then we'll see if it lasts". Or one of them says "Guys are just like this in the beginning. Now you might not be as into it as him, But when you are and he starts loosing interest. It'll kill you".

But sometimes and for some people, these are the risks you're willing to take. It might involve a lot of tears if it falls apart, the breaking of trust, the acknowledgement of a mistake, the validity of the commandments. But till then, and hopefully that day will never come, I choose to wait.

To take a chance on the boy who's added so much to my life. To still feel in love when we sit quietly together and to endure sleepless nights cuz i can't get enough of talking to him.

This is to everyone who thinks love isn't real or who're just scared of falling into it. I would say do it. Do for all that i've written here in the sort of reflective mood i'm in right now and cuz this is how it's been for me. It might be different for you, but as wonderful.

So here's to taking chances and for some chances well taken.

Touch wood to that.

*Juggling*

What preceeded my joining LSR was a crash course class in engineering. It was at this godforsaken mecca of tuition centres near Saket. Everyone arrived there every morning from all over the place. Some with dreams and aspirations in their eyes, some with parental pressure and some with plain boredom. I fell somewhere between the last two as i joined. And those two months of my life, though highly unproductive were pretty interesting.

I'll tell you the whole story some other time when i'm ready to visit the whole 'Ghosts of the boyfriends past' thing . Well there was a lot of Taylor Swift listening, 'He's not that into you' watching and the making of a best friend. A best friend i didn't know i was going to be pretty much in love with later.

So well i joined LSR, and my Math honours course with a fresh mind, and a best friend, who himself having joined at North Campus continually made fun of my girls college status.

This was going to be a new year. The start of a new life. The start of College.

It had always been a big thing. Going to college had been everything that we wanted and more. Those long late night discussions at school with my friends promised everything.

Fun, getting sloshed nights,hook ups ; bascially a weird rendition of Gossip Girl hopefully without the bitches.

Joining a girls college had NEVER been on my radar.I mean the opposite sexes were meant to be together. It was nature's law! So seeing like 800 girls pouring down the corridors when the bell rang was a bit, if not to say VERY unnerving.

I would go home and like i had been doing for the past 4 months that i'd known him, tell him everything that was happening. Who said what. who i liked, who i didn't. He was a good listener. He still is. So as college progressed and the Rules of 'Harry met Sally'(see it if you haven't) finally applied to the both of us. We started dating.

So now it was College and boyfriend. It was fine to have two things in life to take care of. I would come back home from college and talk to him till i slept. Daily ritual. Dedicated girlfriend.

But then i gave my auditions for street theatre. That was something that really changed my life.

Now i had drama which was on around the clock. Boyfriend.College.Hmmm. Didn't go down that well but i tried to handle.

Then came the exams. Now this was getting too hard. College,boyfriend,drama, exams. Getting your brain to function when your heart really didn't was too much to handle. I admit we had a few fights then. Conveniently leading to my flunking my analysis paper. Thankfully my common sense got the better of me in the others so i could afford to retain some dignity there.

Now that over. I'm back to juggling three things. A breath of fresh air.But i'm standing for drama secretary and director for next year. Elections are another hassle.

So guess one thing i've learnt is that if you wanna do something with it; Life will never cease to get more complicated. And for a Girl in the City, all she can do like me, is pray that by paying more attention to one thing the other doesn't get hurt.

Good luck to the juggling. And one day when i actually know how it works properly, I'll probably write to you about it, or maybe even a book. Because if anyone can tell me how they can juggle all this.

I'd say hat's off.

*Inspiration*

My blogging attempts have a history.Back when i was fifteen i decided to start my first blog. Blogging was the new phenomenon. Hotter than anything else and before facebook became the new "It" thing. And so i decided. It was all about getting a lot of views. I was writing a blog. People had to see it. Get to know about it. And hence i did everything i could. Wrote a music blog. Did the whole adsense thing. But never really did it because i wanted to just write what i was thinking or what was really relevant to me. So, i got inspired courtesy my friend Devika , and this is it. "Girl in the City" ; on what it's like. On what everything's like. My world. My life. Other's lives. Or anything that interests me or what i'm thinking about.

I think a blog should be something personal. Your experiences. Something that other people can hopefully relate to too. A blog is like a secret best friend.

So hoping this'll be a long friendship.

Here's to my latest blog.

:)