This four letter word constantly worries the people who aren't experiencing it and when some of them finally are in it, they realize it's everything they could ask for . But good things come in packages too.
I'm in it right now. I've found a boy i really love and he loves me too.The same or even more (We have occasional fights about that ). But i clearly remember. One day he was with me on the phone and we'd just started going out, and he said "Priya, I know 'love' is a big word and people throw it around like it means nothing. So i sat down and thought about whether i really loved you. Whether i knew what it meant and when i said it, i wasn't misleading you. And i came to the conclusion, that do Love you. A lot."
What he said that day meant a lot to me. I trusted him whenever he said it after, cuz i knew he wasn't one of those guys who was just playing around . He really meant it. It was in the way he said those words. Distinctly different than anyone else who'd said anything to that effect to me.
Being told by someone that they love you is a wonderful feeling. And when you know they mean it , it;s even better.
After that day i felt secure. I felt the gravity of the word and the layer of security it'd automatically created around me and our relationship.
Before this i'd just been scared. Every relationship that i've been in has been a learning experience in some way or the other. If after one guy i learnt that guys who seem very nice can also be VERY boring, from another i learnt that even though you might not like each other that much and he might just occasionally make you laugh, he can be a very good kisser ; or if from another i learnt that you should judge people before you start going out with them, and one more taught me that going for a movie on a first date is a VERY bad idea ; One thing that stood very still was the number one in my ten commandments-'NEVER fall in love'.
I always believed after my many experiences, that falling in love was for the naive and the weak of heart and that it would always lead to a bit of crying in the bathroom, or countless reruns of 27 dresses and the urge to call the girl in the movie a bitch when she ALWAYS gets the cute looking guy and the happy ending or gorging on chocolates at night and thinking that things are already so bad, what could chocolate do?.
Hence love was never on the cards for me. A not so serious relationship i thought was the key to happiness in life because Life is too real for fairytale endings. But just as you give up, on love and your prince charming , things happen when you least expect them.
And as they say, 'you don't go looking for love, it finds you in time'. Ok i don't know if i'm just quoting myself in that line, but i guess it does happen. A thing i never thought would end up being my best relationship now is.
But still, love is a strong word and a stronger feeling. Love is not 'like'. People should be clear about that. It's deeper. Cuz if you like someone, you don't feel as bad when they're on the phone with another girl, you don't miss them at odd times, you don't wake up in the morning thinking about them, you don't go to the men's section in stores to see what would look nice on him if he wore it, you don't spend hours making that perfect card that'll make him feel loved, you don't call him when you're crying like a baby, you don't feel like hugging him at random times of the day, or save him a cookie when you're out somewhere. It's different. You become a major , uncompromisable part of each other's lives. You're him and he's you. It's weird but it's magical.
If you love someone, the silences on the phone have a meaning and promises actually count.
Bit it's not all fairytale. When something so wonderful is in your life , Murphy's law doesn't fail to apply. You have fights that will break your heart. Sometimes you just want to end it cuz you can't take the emotional baggage and you cry after he puts down the phone over something he's said but appear as if nothing is wrong when he calls you back.
It's also about compromise. Communication. Understanding. Love can play the angel and the devil when it chooses.
But all in all. I'm glad i'm in it . For those of you who are, you'll know what i'm talking about.
Security in each other's love makes you see a future together. Sometimes you talk about marriage, kids , living together and what you would do together every morning. It's all been planned out in your head. You and him. It's not going to end.
Some of my friends who have probably had more experience in this domain still think i'm a virgin at the topic. "Wait for a year and more " they tell me, "then we'll see if it lasts". Or one of them says "Guys are just like this in the beginning. Now you might not be as into it as him, But when you are and he starts loosing interest. It'll kill you".
But sometimes and for some people, these are the risks you're willing to take. It might involve a lot of tears if it falls apart, the breaking of trust, the acknowledgement of a mistake, the validity of the commandments. But till then, and hopefully that day will never come, I choose to wait.
To take a chance on the boy who's added so much to my life. To still feel in love when we sit quietly together and to endure sleepless nights cuz i can't get enough of talking to him.
This is to everyone who thinks love isn't real or who're just scared of falling into it. I would say do it. Do for all that i've written here in the sort of reflective mood i'm in right now and cuz this is how it's been for me. It might be different for you, but as wonderful.
So here's to taking chances and for some chances well taken.
Touch wood to that.